Mornings sickness started years ago. From when I wake up until my first breakfast, I am in a state where everything wants to come out : a constant feeling of nausea. I usually have two toasts with butter and jam. I have stopped drinking coffee as they said caffeine is not good for the baby. I bought my first barley drink, the taste reminds me my usual cup of coffee so needed after many sleepless nights. During the day I would have some infusions, mint preferably.
Cravings, of course! Not strawberry too cliche : soft cheese! But unfortunately I am not allowed.I have to avoid listeria bacteria. Too dangerous for the baby.
After all these months, years I should have felt something, a kick something…
I am getting fatter and fatter. My belly is round like the full moon, my ankles are swollen at the end of the day.
I have planned everything. I don’t want to know if it’s a boy or a girl.
The room is beautiful, I even painted a fresco on the ceiling.
I am so excited.
I refuse to go to my GP. I can’t go to the chemist to buy a pregnancy test. My unconscious is too strong, indestructible.
He brought me one once! It’s in the cupboard, on the top shelf behind the allergie tablets.
I push my belly forward, it has to be obvious. With my “baby on board” badge my journeys are easier during the rush hour pick. A few exchanges of smiles and I rub my belly reassuring myself.
I am pregnant, beautiful and impatient to give birth.
Epidural or not? Only gas maybe.
He took me to the doctors. My first scan. I am happy. Ecstatic to meet my host.
I have been on denial for years.