My bionic nose

Grammarians, English language wardens I apologise…

My sister once said she’s always known me having nosebleeds. She is 12 years  younger than me.

My nose is a traitor, I can’t rely on him. He always embarrasses me. It is a love and hate relationship.
At the moment, he is behaving. I touch wood, I cross my fingers, toes, feet, legs, eyes etc.
Some days, he would threaten me. A  drop on a tissue and I would stop breathing. My heart would race, my hands would tremble, my blood pressure would be over the roof.
Armed with a tissue in my hand, another on my desk, one  in my pocket several in my bag : I would wait for the hemorrhage. Ready to respect  the 10 minutes rule : 10 minutes of silence. 10 dreadful minutes hoping it would stop.  Another 10 minutes to spit the clot : nose-bleeders will know what I am talking about!!!!
I would say, he is one of my biggest preoccupation. Don’t touch my face, don’t throw things at me! I try to protect him the best I can.  He gets a special treatment every day.
Sneezing, better to say the art of sneezing. Generally,  you sneeze without thinking. It is a spontaneous act. I sneeze through my mouth. It might not be easy to understand. The strength goes through my mouth and not through my nose.  My explanation is not as clear I wanted it to be, unfortunately  I don’t know how to be more precise.  Challenge, try this the next time you sneeze.
My sneeze is noisy. Once upon a time I was able to pinch my nose and have an almost inaudible one.
I have also stopped blowing my nose for years now.  But occasionnaly  in extreme condition, bad cold for example, I treat myself.
My nostrils, the twins as I call them are not identical. They are different and independent despite the thin wall between them, the septum. The left one is the naughtiest, always was. He has caused me too much trouble, always has. The diva, the drama queen! Always in tears : I tried to take care of him. The doctors too : too many cauterizations. I remember the burnt hair smell. The electrocautery or the butchery of my young nasal vessels was an inefficient procedure.  I remember, the week after I would bleed like never before.
I have learned to live with or maybe not. “It is just a nosebleed” I try to convince myself but too many.
The right nostril has been an angel. He was reluctant to copy his brother. One day, he lost it ! Both started partying as mad, 10 minutes, 20, 30 it was like an eternity.
I knew at this time that my nose had decided to take control of my freedom. Planted in the middle of my face smiling at me  murmuring : “And what?”.
One doctor convinced me to have a septoplasty, it might stop the chronic bleeding. One septoplasty plus an heavily cauterization later, no changes, no improvements.
However, my bionic nose is amazing. I can smell the good and the bad before everybody. Yes, unfortunately.

I am the only one who can understand his ups and downs, his tantrums.
I treat him with care, I am always gentle. He is good at the moment but I keep vigilant, always.
My nose and I,  a long and complicated relationship.